The Advice shared by A Father That Helped Me when I became a Brand-New Father

"I think I was just in survival mode for the first year."

Ex- Made In Chelsea personality Ryan Libbey anticipated to handle the challenges of fatherhood.

However the actual experience rapidly proved to be "very different" to what he pictured.

Serious health problems surrounding the birth caused his partner Louise admitted to hospital. Abruptly he was thrust into becoming her primary caregiver while also caring for their baby boy Leo.

"I was doing each nighttime feed, every nappy change… every stroll. The job of both parents," Ryan stated.

Following eleven months he burnt out. That was when a talk with his parent, on a public seat, that helped him see he required support.

The simple statement "You're not in a good place. You need support. What can I do to help you?" created an opening for Ryan to express himself truthfully, ask for help and find a way back.

His experience is not uncommon, but rarely discussed. Although people is now more comfortable discussing the stress on moms and about post-natal depression, far less attention is paid about the struggles new fathers go through.

Asking for help is not weak to ask for help

Ryan believes his struggles are linked to a broader reluctance to communicate amongst men, who often internalise negative ideas of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the rock that just takes the pounding and remains standing with each wave."

"It's not a display of weakness to request help. I was too slow to do that quick enough," he adds.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher who studies mental health surrounding childbirth, notes men frequently refuse to acknowledge they're having a hard time.

They can think they are "not the right person to be asking for help" - especially ahead of a mother and child - but she stresses their mental state is just as important to the family.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad provided him with the opportunity to request a respite - going on a few days overseas, separate from the domestic setting, to gain perspective.

He understood he needed to make a change to focus on his and his partner's feelings in addition to the practical tasks of caring for a newborn.

When he shared with Louise, he saw he'd failed to notice "what she was yearning" -physical connection and paying attention to her words.

Self-parenting

That insight has reshaped how Ryan sees being a dad.

He's now composing Leo letters each week about his feelings as a dad, which he aspires his son will look at as he gets older.

Ryan thinks these will enable his son to more fully comprehend the expression of emotion and make sense of his parenting choices.

The concept of "reparenting" is something musician Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since having his son Slimane, who is now four.

As a child Stephen did not have consistent male a father figure. Even with having an "incredible" bond with his dad, profound emotional pain caused his father found it hard to cope and was "present intermittently" of his life, affecting their bond.

Stephen says bottling up emotions caused him to make "poor actions" when younger to modify how he was feeling, seeking comfort in drink and drugs as escapism from the anguish.

"You find your way to things that are harmful," he notes. "They might temporarily change how you feel, but they will in the end cause more harm."

Tips for Getting By as a New Dad

• Talk to someone - when you are swamped, confide in a family member, your partner or a counsellor about your state of mind. Doing so may to reduce the stress and make you feel less alone.
• Remember your hobbies - make time for the activities that allowed you to feel like yourself before becoming a parent. Examples include playing sport, meeting up with mates or a favourite hobby.
• Pay attention to the physical health - a good diet, getting some exercise and when you can, resting, all are important in how your mind is coping.
• Connect with other new dads - listening to their stories, the challenges, along with the joys, can help to normalise how you're experiencing things.
• Know that requesting help isn't failing - looking after your own well-being is the optimal method you can care for your loved ones.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen expectedly struggled to accept the loss, having not spoken to him for many years.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's committed not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his child and instead offer the security and emotional guidance he did not receive.

When his son is about to have a tantrum, for example, they practise "shaking the feelings out" together - managing the emotions constructively.

The two men Ryan and Stephen say they have become better, healthier men due to the fact that they faced their struggles, changed how they express themselves, and figured out how to control themselves for their sons.

"I'm better… sitting with things and managing things," explains Stephen.

"I wrote that in a letter to Leo recently," Ryan says. "I expressed, at times I feel like my job is to guide and direct you on life, but the truth is, it's a exchange. I'm learning as much as you are through this experience."